To say that relationships ‘pop up’ during a treatment session would be not telling pork pies.

These are the shimmering common threads in the fabric of human lives. That don’t simply involve us, they are us.

Without relationship - life is meaningless.

You might say, but I really prefer to be alone, I love my own company, but you are still in relationship - with yourself.

It’s no wonder as the sign of a more competent and functioning society we have seen the emergence of sciences to address these experiences in individuals.

Positive psychology and advanced forms of holistic counselling are excellent examples of modern care for the maintenance and navigation of relationships.

In terms of understanding the fast moving dynamics of relationships, it is imperative to slow down. Psychologically speaking.

Because we simply get lost in the incessant flow of the stories, it is difficult to find a point on the collage where you feel grounded and still. A place where rationality can find some balance with persistent emotions.

The key tenant here is boundaries.

Where you begin and end, and where another begins and ends. Considering this psychologically allows some separation to occur within an increasingly psycho-emotionally enmeshed reality.

This enmeshment is the attraction of reality TV shows, merging with another’s reality. It’s entertaining, but not very healthy at all. You join their incessant flow of stories and then return to your own river of stories and wonder why you're so tired.

On a physical level, a festival dance floor or football terraces are where we enmesh the best, often of course by choice - and as on other levels it’s the un-meshing that becomes the challenge.

How many poor quality relationships have started on the dance floor or other versions of romantic love and taken months to un-mesh from, with the protagonists wondering how they lost such a sense of self within the relationship?

Because they willingly collapsed their boundaries and lacked the skillset or will power to re-establish them.

These situations sadly often call for conflict to resolve their subconscious attraction patterns.

The balance and remedy is stillness and meditation or contemplation.

In therapeutic moments in my practice which have numbered in the thousands, i have reflected the issue of a lack of boundaries in a specific relationship, or numerous relationships if we are addressing work related issues.

Once acknowledged, the client can break the spell - and develop strategies to maintain a sense of self and self empowerment in their relationships. Forms of rationality are welcomed back to the table.

In a psychologists rooms or counselling space we reweave the web of our lives through mind and motions, in my practice we expertly involve the body. As the ‘keeper of secrets’ your body can assist the release of the library of mind that it stores, and after creating and holding a safe and confidential space this is the most valuable thing that i do.

One of the most poignant phrases to remind us of enforcing personal boundaries comes from the American modernist Iyanla Vanzant “ You have to meet people where they are, and sometimes you have to leave them there.”

Wisdom is a language of simplicity and power, and concepts like this need only be simple - If someone is not appropriate or a suitable speed for you, it is just fine to leave them there.

Forget the mission to change or enlighten them. Compassion is truly enough.

With a renewed and healthy sense of self you can reclaim and rebuild you lives, i’ve seen it happen countless times, so when you're ready to start the process - come and see me.